The Man with the Iron Fists (RZA, 2012)

3/10
Not my choice for Saturday night at the movies, but what the hell, I'm no stick in the mud. Thought it might be fun. It's not. Most of these "neo-exploitation" flicks that are coming in the wake of Tarantino (producer here) and Rodriguez's Grindhouse - Hell Ride, Machete, Hobo with a Shotgun - simply sound better on paper than in practice and the RZA's directorial debut is no different.
What's most depressing about the movie is that it doesn't even try to stick to any kind of aesthetic - the opening and closing credits are straight out of Tarantino's school for kitschy 70's style B-movie credits, while Wu-Tang Clan and other hip hop permeates the soundtrack of a movie set in some kind of feudal Japan (?) where Russell Crowe dresses alternately like an English general and a Western gunslinger and the main villain (who reminded both me and a friend individually of Dave Chappelle doing Prince) wears John Lennon sunglasses...lest we forget RZA's ridiculous narration ("the motherfuckers had a gatling gun"). The fight scenes aren't bad - sometimes too chaotic and overreliant on the kind of absurd weaponry that seems to be the norm since Rose McGowan's machine gun leg in Planet Terror - but the terrible acting, juvenile script (courtesy RZA, who might not have known any better and Eli Roth, who should have) and overall laziness make it a chore rather than a good time. I'm bummed I wasted my time here instead of at Wreck-It Ralph, Flight or the Cloud Atlas, any of which surely would have been more interesting in some way.